Moving is a big deal and, as you might have discovered by this point, decisions are not something I take lightly. Some basic life decisions have me tossing and turning at night, anxiously debating what to do, while others I make with certainty (e.g. getting a tattoo). I moved to the Eastern Shore before I even graduated college thinking it would be my new home where I’d find a fulfilled life and future career path, but God had other purposes for me being here.
When the house I was renting sold, my roommate and I were asked to move out before our lease was over…rather quickly might I add, but the timing was impeccable. I had been praying about moving back home with my immediate family for a little while at that point, but never took further steps to pursue the possibility.
I asked God for a sign or some kind of validation. I remember explaining to God that I did not want to be like Gideon and require God to prove himself to me, but I was just so unsure of what to do. I had talked to so many people about my situation that I was in a stalemate (per the usual).
In that moment of sheer confusion, I got this unreal sense of peace during my devotion. I felt God saying, “You’re so busy worrying about your future, asking everyone else what to do, that you don’t take any time to just be still and wait to hear my voice”. WOW. God spoke directly to my heart and rebuked my tendency to be Martha. Luke 10 (NIV):
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her [emphasis added].
I am so often distracted by my own thoughts and other people’s opinions that I do not sit and listen to what the Lord is trying to say to me. I have discovered a lot about myself during this short season post-graduation:
I talk more than I listen.
I run more than I rest.
I am just as much an introvert as I am an extrovert.
I need time and space to be alone,
But I also need people to seek me out of those places.
I enjoy social settings where I can engage in conversation with people,
But sometimes I’d rather be alone at the gym; surrounded by people, but working out in my own headspace.
I require verbal affirmation from others even though I do not use my words as much as I should to relay my honest thoughts.
I prefer being stubbornly independent over asking for help.
I love from a distance….etc.
I find it ironic that in order to rest, God has called me to move. I suppose it’s time to simply listen and be led; come out of hiding and get involved; be at peace and not in panic mode. I’ve always been the busybody trying to get ahead in life: overachieving in school, over-performing at work, and overextending myself in general until I’m stretched so thin that I have no energy left to pour back into relationship with others.
Time to break the cycle! Finally, I am going home to rest, recoup, and recover. I know a season of rest will prepare me for the next race so here I go…ready, set, stop!